


rain or shine (i don't feel a thing)

by cascrane (thunder_and_stars)



Series: a dream deferred [8]
Category: no sleep in the city of dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28721352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunder_and_stars/pseuds/cascrane
Summary: her phone is ringing, louder than it has any right to be. it’s too early for this.she rolls over and answers, eyes still closed to ward off the bright light of morning.“hello?”nobody responds.
Series: a dream deferred [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105190





	rain or shine (i don't feel a thing)

her phone is ringing, louder than it has any right to be. it’s too early for this. 

she rolls over and answers, eyes still closed to ward off the bright light of morning. 

“hello?”

nobody responds. she sits up, pulling her phone away from her ear to see who it is. something crackles on the other end of the line. pale ice spreads across her blanket as she stares at the phone in her hand. 

“key?”

“hey, ray.”

he sounds awful. 

“where are you, kid?”

he’s supposed to be asleep, just down the hall. he’s supposed to be working the morning shift with her in an hour. 

“somfin’ happened,” he mumbles on the other end. 

“what happened? where are you, key?”

“ray...”

he sounds scared. 

“i’m here, kid. what’s wrong?”

“i’m sorry, raven. tell nicky... ray, i’m sorry.”

static crackles over the line again. 

“kid?”

the call ends with a terrifying click. 

_ fuck _ . 

she scrubs her knuckles over her eyes, nails biting into her palms until she feels awake, lingering for a second to ground her. she fumbles for her phone where she dropped it. 

she calls nicky. 

“something’s wrong,” she tells them without preamble, cutting them off as they start to say hello. she’s pacing down the hall now, stopping in the doorway of key’s room. 

nicky is with uncle alex, helping with a new shipment of books at reyneir’s, his quaint bookstore. she wasn’t supposed to bother them. 

the door to key’s room is open. he’s not there. 

what is there, however, is one of his notebooks, open on his bed. she doesn’t step into the room, but she can see the writing on the page. she chokes back a sob, hating herself for fearing the worst yet knowing the horrible truth. 

she should have known. that was her, once, years ago. she should have seen it.

“ray? are you okay?”

nicky is still there, on the other end. 

“nik...”

“what’s wrong, raven? do you need me to come home?”

she makes a noise that must sound like an affirmation, because a minute later, nicky is next to her in a flash of whirling fire, immediately gathering her into their arms. 

“what’s wrong?” they ask again, nimble fingers brushing down her wild hair as she leans into the comfort their arms provide.

“key’s gone. he called, sounded scared.”

“then we go find him,” nicky says, not seeing into key’s  _ horribly empty _ room, not seeing the notebook on the bed. 

“nik, he said he was sorry,” she chokes out, and nicky curses softly. 

it’s terrifying. nicky doesn’t curse, rarely gets upset. nothing about this is normal. 

_ it’s a nightmare _ , she tells herself. _ i’ll wake up soon. _

_ it’s just a nightmare. _

_ wake up _ , her mind screams when they finally end up on the bridge, key sitting on the guardrail, almost catatonic. 

_ wake up. do something. _

she can’t move. 

key doesn’t see them. he is standing on the edge now, eyes trained on the river far, far below, wind ruffling through his hair.

he steps off. 

and then nicky is gone, too, and raven falls to her knees, horribly unsteady and fumbling. 

_ they’re gone, everyone’s gone, you’re alone, alone, alone again, jack is gone, your family is gone, everything’s over, it’s over, just fall. _

_ just die already, you’re all that’s left, worthless and alone, just let go, give in, give up. _

_ give in. _

_ give up. _

_ alone. _

_ they’re all gone. _

_ just fall. _

nicky is back at her side, damp and annoyed and exhausted, carrying a soaked and trembling key in their arms. they kneel beside her, placing the boy down so he leans against them, and takes her hands.

“raven?”

_ they’re all gone, everyone, everything, all gone, done and buried, you’re alone, just give in, just fall already, you know you deserve it, just let go. _

“rav? it’s me.”

_ flames lapping at her hands, warm and familiar, gentle, controlled. it doesn’t burn. fire on her skin, comforting and real. _

her eyes are pure white.

“rav, it’s nikiel. come on. come here.”

_ fire on her skin, ice on her fingers, warmth. _

“... _ nik _ ,” she chokes out, on the verge of sobbing.

_ blond hair tumbling into pale eyes, blood and fire, falling, falling, falling… _

“where’s key?”

“right here,” nicky says, gently taking her arm. “home?”

she nods faintly. “home,” she echoes.  _ home. _

fire wraps around the trio -- nicky looks exhausted, and she tries to lend her (nonexistent) strength. they manage a faint smile.

they’re home, standing in front of the couch. nicky gathers key into their arms again, takes him into his bedroom, helps peel off his soaked clothes and offers him a dry sweater.

they leave the boy curled up in his bed -- raven shuts the notebook and puts it in a drawer, can’t bear to look at it -- and retreat to the couch, trying to offer some semblance of privacy. 

they’ll talk about it later, when they can all breathe.

they leave key’s door open. raven can’t bear to lose him again.

_ can’t lose anyone else, please, nobody else. _

nicky messages alex, gives him a brief rundown of what happened, says they won’t be able to help today. he understands. 

raven, still shaken and stumbling, nearly falls down the stairs twice, yet still manages to start her shift, leaning heavily on the counter. the door opens with the click-scratch of the corner scraping along tiles (broken hinge, key was going to fix it, key  _ was _ \-- no, key is upstairs, with nicky,  _ just breathe _ ) and raven almost tells them that they’re closed.

she looks up and sees hollis watching her carefully, hands tucked deep into pockets, shoulders slumped and eyes dark. they look as bad as she feels.

“is key okay?”

_ “are you fucking psychic?” _ she bites out, angrier than she intended. hurt flashes across the kid’s face for a second before they shrug and cock their head, waiting for an answer.

she shrugs.

“it goes like that,” hollis agrees, sounding concerningly wise, considering the topic.

“how’d you know?”

“well, i know nicky’s okay, ‘cause they called me, and you’re still standing but something’s clearly wrong… i mean, worse than normal… so, key.”

“what about…”

“i’ve been there.”

“you came to check on key?” she asks. they shake their head.

“came to help you on shift.”

“oh. thanks, kid.”

they work in hollow silence until afternoon comes, and nicky takes over for raven. hollis stays downstairs to help, but hands a small notebook to raven.

“give it to key? he could use it.” 

raven, confused yet too tired to question it, nods and retreats up the stairs.

she doesn’t realize how late it is until the sky is dark outside and nicky is opening the door and joining her where she is slumped on the couch.

“i sent lis home,” they say, and the corner of raven’s mouth twitches to something like a smile at the nickname.

“we’re going to need to talk,” she says, falling into a solemn silence once more.

a beat, then nicky stands and returns with a blanket that they drape over the both of them.

“i should have noticed,” she tells them, curling into the blanket. 

“it’s not your fault,” they tell her automatically. they should have noticed too. 

“how is it not my fault?” 

she was supposed to protect him. that was the promise she made. 

“because i didn’t want you to know.” 

she didn’t hear him come in, but there he is, standing near the wall, swimming in his too-big hoodie and sweatpants that can’t possibly belong to him, considering how the hems trail all the way over his feet. he offer a weak semblance of a smile, for just a second, and then it’s gone. 

he looks so small, so helpless. he feels so hopeless. 

“i’m sorry,” she says. 

“i should have told you.” 

“i should have paid attention.” 

he pauses, sinks onto the couch beside both of them, and leans his head against her shoulder, knees tucked to his chest. 

“i love you,” she tells him. nicky nods from her other side. 

“you’re my family,” he tells them both. “thank you.”

the gentle, peaceful silence is broken by raven a moment later, the safety it had created cracking as well.

“we need to talk about it, key.”

“i know.”

“i’m not upset, kid, okay? i’m not. i just…” she trails off, fiddling with the corner of the blanket, and nicky takes the moment to slip away, make something warm to drink.

key is still so pale.

“why, key? i’m not…  _ damn, i’m so bad at this _ . i’m not trying to blame you, and i’m not upset. i just want to understand if there’s a reason.”

he shrugs, and she wraps an arm around him, pulling the blanket to cover him as well. he’s quiet for a long time. she waits.

“everything. it’s just  _ so much _ , ray.”

she nods.

“jackal’s gone. maze is different, hollis is shattered. you and nicky, you’re different too. everyone’s grieving, i know, but it’s just… everything.”

“i’m sorry.” he shakes his head, hair tumbling into his eyes. he doesn’t bother to brush it back.

“how could he?”

she doesn’t know who he’s talking about, for a second, because she’s had the same thought.

“he’s the one who saved me, who saw me, who brought me into all of this. he’s this reason i have you and this world, magic and a  _ family _ . i thought he  _ cared _ about us. i’m nothing without him, so who am i now? i was him, ray. we were  _ so similar _ .”

“i know,” she says, because what else can she say? they’ve lost  _ so much _ .

“what if i do the same?”

_ oh.  _ everything suddenly slots into place.

“you won’t.”

“how do you know?”

“because i know you. because i’ve got you, because you have family. because you care.”

“he said he cared, once. he said we were family.” his voice cracks, and he bures his face in the blanket before she can see the tears welling in his eyes. “he  _ lied _ .”

she runs her fingers through his messy hair, the closest to comfort she can offer.

“why does everyone do that? they all  _ lie,  _ they  _ all leave _ .”

“i’m not leaving,” she tells him. “i swear to you.”


End file.
